Ministry burn out

Confessions of a Campus Pastor series

This post might hurt.

I read this from Wayne Cordeiro and instantly related:

“For over thirty years my drive for excellence propelled me. It wasn’t that I was compulsive; I simply had a deep desire to do my best. I drove hard on all cylinders, not realizing that being an entrepreneur means that everything you initiate, by default you must add to your maintenance list…

…Slowly, the unwelcome symptoms began to surface. Ministry because more arduous. My daily tasks seemed unending, and e-mails began to stack up. People I deeply cared about became problems to be avoided, and deliberating about new vision no longer stirred my soul.

Although I never doubted my calling and gifting, what began as a joy that filled me now became a load that drained me. But I didn’t know where I could trim. People were coming to Christ and lives were being changed. How could all this be wrong?

Decisions — even small ones — seemed to paralyze me. Gradually my creativity began to flag and I found it easier to imitate rather than innovate. I was backing away from the very things that used to challenge and invigorate me.”

There have been seasons of ministry that have been tough, really tough.  There are projects and initiatives I have undertaken that completely drained me and pushed me close to burn out.

I take full responsibility for the effect those times had on me and my family but I recognize now that I did not guard my own time well because I was looking for someone else to say, “Why don’t you take a break.”  But that never really came.  And I understand why now.  For a long time I thought that if I just served with all my heart no matter what the cost to my family or me personally, someone would recognize that and reward me.  It has occurred to me that I was looking to the wrong people for affirmation and recognition.

This is not just a ministry issue.  I was talking to a friend in a completely different line of work and he said he has wrestled with this same thing.  He thought if he gave his all to his work, not worrying about tracking lost vacation days, sacrificing time with family that his employer would recognize that and reward him.  But it never came.

That’s because only ONE person will care about YOU and YOUR family more than YOU and it’s not your boss…it’s God.

Only my Father in Heaven cares about my family more than I do.  Only my Father in Heaven cares about my personal state even more than I do.  And He has given me responsibility to guard my time and give my best to my family AND only look to HIM for that affirmation.

If you are in ministry and looking for a good resource on burn out, I’d suggest Anne Jackson‘s Mad Church Disease.  Just loaned my copy to a friend last night who has experienced some of this.

If you are not in ministry, can I suggest you love your pastor(s) and treat them well.  Yes, there are many stories of nutjobs who screw up their lives and church’s, but there are many, many men and women in the trenches of church ministry serving their heart out for the kingdom.

 

I care about what people think way too much

Confessions of a Campus Pastor series

I have always envied those who seemingly live their lives without concern of what others think.  Because I care way too much about what people think.

I have let this concern influence many decisions in my life,  probably too many.

It feels like handcuffs at times because I want to find out what others think before I even express my opinion.

Yet, God has worked in this area of my life as well.  He continues to teach me that ultimately the only thing that matters is what He SAYS about me.  It’s a matter of faith really to trust Him in this.

I remember reading in Wild at Heart that some men who struggle with this need to say NO more often and let others feel the full weight of who you are.  This inspired me to be more upfront, more candid and concern myself less with what others might think.

This “problem” of mine is magnified because I’m a pastor.  “Life in the fish bowl” means that more people are watching and more people have an opinion.  It has been a journey for me to work forward on this matter but God has been faithful to remind me of what matters most each day.

Here is my theme verse for this particular issue.  I read it often:

We speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed-God is our witness.

We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.

1 Thessalonians 2:4-6

 

Confessions of a Campus Pastor

I’ve been thinking for some time about doing a series of posts inspired by Craig Groeschel’s book Confessions of a Pastor. My purpose in doing this is let you see how I deal with some of these things.  Candidly, I deal with some of them very well.  Others?  Not so well.  That’s why it’s called a journey.  Hopefully, they will help you in your journey if you deal with similiar things.  I don’t anticipate that any of them will be overly shocking but the more I grow the more I realize the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9:

But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I’ll share the first one tomorrow.  Yep, going to make you wait.  🙂